A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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