the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
