So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
