I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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