got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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