The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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