I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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