haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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