i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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