And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
