mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
