Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
