don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize