How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
