they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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