You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
