GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
