And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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