fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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