So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
