Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
