Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
