her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
