Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
