When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
