I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize