i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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