I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
