the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
