she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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