Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
