we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
