Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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