you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
