he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
