if you like me you must not know who I am
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
