Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
