dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
two words: eviction party
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
