i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
