I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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