Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
