It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All the doctor said was why
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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