This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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