Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
