Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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