Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
