would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
