shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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