you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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