Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
