Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do herpes really smell.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize