There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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