oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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