Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
