would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize