I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize