sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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