i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize