Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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