3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
