He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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