Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
