apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize