My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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